How can you seduce a writer? Is there such a thing as “fifty shades of sleeping with a writer”? Well, maybe not fifty, but there are several ways to turn up the heat in the literary kitchen… Sex sells… So, why not make a writer the lead character of your erotic novel?! After all, it is not about the size of an author’s pen, it is about how big is his vocabulary.
Writer Pick Up Lines:
“Hey, haven’t we metaphor? I’m a cunning linguist, and you?”
“Is that a thesaurus in your pocket or are you just convivial and exultant to see me?”
“I think we should rewrite the alphabet and put “U” and “I” closer together.”
“Do you like your drafts rough? I’d like to hear how your plot climaxes.”
“Alliteration can last all night. I can show you my large diction.”
“Let’s skip the foreshadowing and make this a short story.”
A : Hey, I’d like to support the arts and date a writer!
B : Are you looking for Mr. Write?
A : Yes, an author with not much backstory, a guy who’s prologue is short.
B : I see. A man who’s like a verb, someone who’s been running through your mind all day, right?
A : Figuratively speaking.
B : Are you single?
A : Sort of… I’m in a complicated relationship with a fictional character.
B : I understand. Me too. I’ve always preferred the company of fictional men to the ones I meet in real life.
A : So what should I do?
B : Read these 5 tips on how to seduce a writer:
1. Buy him books and build him bookshelves.
2. Listen to him when he talks about his writing and his favorite author.
3. Make sure his computer is working and give him time to write.
4. Take him to coffee shops and tea gardens; or schedule a sweet escape to a writer’s retreat for him.
5. Read his books and believe in him… if he hits it big he will take care of you, but if you piss him off he will blog about you and share your shortcomings with his readers.
This excerpt was taken from H. G. Robert’s upcoming book, “So, you’re a writer?”. CLICK HERE to find out more about the book and to read a chapter for free.