The following interview with H. G. Robert includes excerpts from his upcoming book, “So you’re a writer?”. CLICK HERE to find out more about the book and to read a chapter for free.

 

QUESTION: How would you define a writer?

H. G. ROBERT: A professional procrastinator. A person who eventually turns caffeine into books.

 

QUESTION: What type of writer are you?

H. G. ROBERT: A weird recluse writer. I’m often found in seclusion and shadow (with my emotional bulimia), penning masterpieces, but I tend not to leave my basement apartment. Plus Side: I’m creative, talented and humble. Minus Side: No one will know how brilliant I am unless I commit suicide.

 

QUESTION: Every writer has an inner voice, what is yours?

H. G. ROBERT: “I may be smiling, but that’s only because I am writing your eulogy. Again.”

 

QUESTION: Why did you become a writer?

H. G. ROBERT: People said I didn’t have the face for radio. Also, I write because kidnapping people and forcing them to act out my interesting make-believe worlds is technically illegal.

 

QUESTION: Have you ever had a writer’s block?

H. G. ROBERT: I’ll never forget the first time I had writer’s block, it was… I mean, really… just so… completely indescribable…

 

QUESTION: What is a typical day for a writer?

H. G. ROBERT: Drinking coffee all day and posting comments on Facebook while pretending to write a novel. Here’s the general formula: 1 hour of writing + 23 hours spent worrying about not writing = 1 day

 

QUESTION: Do you have any advice on how to become a good writer?

H. G. ROBERT: Be more or less specific. One should never generalize. Understatement is always best. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. Eliminate one-word sentences. Who needs rhetorical questions?

 

QUESTION: Finally, could you recommend your writer-reader-bloggers books for further reading?

H. G. ROBERT: Besides my upcoming book, “So, you’re a writer?”, I also suggest that most writers read these “books”:

“The Comma Sutra – Making Grammar Sexy since 1969″ by Spell Czech ; “Homonyms are a reel waist of thyme” by Hyperbole Best ; “I avoid clichés like the plague.” by Idioms & Birds ; “What happens in Vagueness stays in Vagueness” by Dr. Ambiguity